Vanity fair with a pinch of salt

One of the most irksome things on this planet is the inability to present oneself appropriately. Loosely put, it’s the failure to look good in whatever one wears. While most of my comments and jibes are directed at women, men too make the same errors of judgement when it comes to anything related to the remotely sartorial. And thanks to Facebook, I get to feast my roving eye on probable victims of a fashion apocalypse. Here are a few examples: (I won’t take names, of course!)

A lady, a pretty one, albeit, likes to dress up in jersey material dresses and tops. The only problem? Her protruding tummy fat which she has blissfully achieved after two years of being happily married. So there’s not a picture of hers where her mid-section lipid-cells don’t hang out an overbaked cupcake. Her second problem is, as is with most Bengali women, UNDERWEAR. Rule # 1 for selecting a bra: Make sure that you don’t go around telling the world that you are wearing one! Feminist theories aside, One doesn’t need to see every seam, every stitch, every bow, every lace rosette, every satin ribbon, every inch of the underwire, every detail of the clasp, the hook, the adjustable straps of your bra through your jersey-material dress. And as if that wasn’t enough, I wonder why women fancy cones so much? Get the drift? I mean, Madonna’s Blond Ambition has long been fulfilled so let’s just put aside JP Gaultier’s cones for a moment! Underneath a flimsy fabric, showing off your cones are worse than having your nipples pop out! So, there!

Another ravishing lady believes in more is less! So she piles on more! She is pretty and loves to pose for photos but hasn’t she heard that most point and shoot cameras come equipped with a flash? Thanks to that, her whitened, pancaked face appears whiter than the whitest white while neck down, she’s normal. Rule # 1 while doing face makeup: Never ever pick a foundation that doesn’t match your skin tone. We don’t want you looking like little Casper the friendly ghost! Rule # 2: While going heavy on the eyes, go light on the lips. And vice versa. heavily kohl-lined eyes when paired with a blood-red pout loosely translates to run-run-from-her-as-fast-as-you-can. An no, it ain’t ‘vampire’ cool either!!

Well, this much for now. I’ll vent my remaining anger in another post! Grrrrrrrr!

 

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