You ain’t MODERN if you ain’t got HAIR… in your armpits!

I have only nausea-inducing disgust for armpit hair on women. Sadly, many ‘modern’ women do not share my feelings because they say, “My body, my rules”. Of course. It’s your body, your rules but in case you didn’t know, I also happen to share a public space with you, your body and your hirsute folds of skin which you so proudly wear as a badge of honour, therefore for me, it’s visual pollution so if you don’t want to be further insulted, get rid of your obnoxious furry underarms or better still, buy a ticket to somewhere else where I don’t have to see you ever again.

Phew.

I had posted this video one day on Facebook. It’s a brand campaign by H&M on ‘What it means to be a lady’ which, according to Huffington Post is a ‘feminist ad’ which ‘completely destroys what it means to be a lady’. Here’s the link:

http://www.huffingtonpost.in/entry/hms-feminist-ad-completely-destroys-what-it-means-to-be-a-lady_us_57dfe7ace4b08cb14096a763

Okay, so according to H&M, to be a lady is to be, first of all and most importantly, URBAN. You village idiots from the third worlds don’t know shit. You gotta be/do the following:

  • Fat. Oh, I’m sorry, plus-sized (sounds better?) and flaunt your adipose hanging from your tummy in a bra and panty. Because, your body, your rules.
  • Misbehave at an uppity party by eating noisily and once you’re done stuffing your face, you can care two hoots about manners and pluck lettuce and chicken from between your teeth. #TooHotToHandle
  • Slather your lips with black lipstick. Because it’s er…empowering.
  • Wear your hair like a man’s because you are a FEMINIST. (No offense to those with illnesses.)
  • Manspread in a subway train. Sorry, womanspread. No, manspread. Fuck, what is it called? ‘Cuz if you don’t spread your legs, you ain’t got the balls, sorry, ovaries to be a FEMINIST. Just remember you’re gonna get a lot of stares from not so well-meaning men who you can later shame on social media saying they visually RAPED you.
  • Let your armpit hair grow out nice, strong and healthy so you could flaunt them. Who knows someday they might have special beauty products only for armpit hair. Lotions and potions and even salons to get your er, armpit hair done.

I studied in a convent school where I was taught that to be a lady, you should be polite, soft-spoken, well-mannered. That you should be modest, dress appropriately, never raise your voice during an argument and most of all, never be selfish and put others’ needs before yours. Today, when I look back at those days, I do scoff at such nunnish rules but also rue the fact that at least, such teachings instilled humanitarian values in me. It was up to us to either heed value education or turn a deaf ear to it. A decade or so later, I see valueless jingoism which masquerades as independence. These define modern values in our society today.

Feminists and social justice crusaders have hailed the ‘bold’ video but perhaps they haven’t noticed how the narrative of ‘modernism’ has left out the SUBALTERN point of view – something that the liberals have fought tooth and nail for for ages. Where is the middle aged mother-of-two living in a suburban Indian town who has to be up at 5 am every morning to run the household? Doesn’t she deserve to be hailed as a strong woman? Where is the hard working girl from your neighbourhood in Mumbai who takes the train daily to work meaningless jobs so she could fund her education? Doesn’t she deserve to be hailed as a strong woman? Where is my mother, who raised two of the most chaotic girls in the world (my sister and I), saw them through rebellious teenage years, bore the brunt of their late nights, parties, boyfriend problems, fed them, clothed them, scolded them while always regretting having to quit her job just so she could devote herself to family? Doesn’t she deserve to be hailed as a strong woman? (In many cases, being devoted to family is something Feminists look down upon. I will devote another post on this later.)

The answer is NO. They are not the target audience for a high street brand like H&M. Brands and media dictate most of what we ought to think and feel in today’s society. Brand films are thus impractical, good looking videos which most morons and millenials (I say these two words in the same breath, obviously!) take as gospel truth.

Coming back to the question of armpit hair (YUCK!), I was told by a young friend on social media that our older generation never cared much about shaving theirs so why should armpit hair be looked down upon today? My dear girl, our older generation had a lot more to care about those days than to intentionally grow armpit hair and strut around with their arms raised. They were loving, kind, sociable and generous. They raised our parents who raised us. And that’s a great deal of things to do. So unless you can fight me with a better argument, try this experiment – grow out your armpit hair, wear a nice sexy sleeveless whatever and surprise your boyfriend.

Boo!

 

 

 

 

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